As I sat recently with my sister-in-law, we began discussing the sovereignty of God which led to a discussion regarding the will of God in various situations in this life. What do you do with the phrase, "I guess this is God's will"? How about when someone says, "I will pray that God's will be done." That's great - if I like God's will in this circumstance. But what if I don't? Sometimes this phrase can feel like giving up. The tone implies submission but sounds like forced surrender. Acquiescence even when I would prefer to dissent. What does it mean to say, "God's will be done"?
Was it God's will that Katie develop cancer and die? Was that his plan? Was it a suffering he allowed to happen? Is there a difference between any of those? The short answer is I don't know. What I do know - and what helps me a little as I wrestle with this - is that God's desire for this world is shalom. His original creation was for shalom and his ultimate plan is for shalom. Shalom is a beautiful Hebrew word that, while often defined as peace, has a much richer meaning than that. Shalom is better understood as "the way it was meant to be." I love that. Ultimately, God's desire is to restore all of his creation to shalom. Peace, harmony, completeness. The way it was meant to be. The world that we know is the antithesis of shalom. Everything about this world is broken, from my frustrations with whining children to my grief over my dead child. From murder to addictions to earthquakes to cancer. Car accidents. Congenital defects. Divorce. Back-talking teenagers. Abuse. Poverty. Selfishness. Total brokenness. All of it. Not what God intended. Not shalom. So I know that God's overarching desire is to restore all of it. And I know that his all-embracing will is redemption. In all things, both big and little. I know this because of the cross of Jesus which tells me that God loves me and is for me. Sometimes in his sovereignty, redemption looks different to God than it does to me. Does that bother me? Yup. Absolutely. I wish I was sovereign. I wish I could fix it. Control it. Redeem the brokenness by myself in my way. But I cannot and, because I cannot, I have to trust someone else to do it. Who would I trust other than the one who has already established the depth of his love for me? Who else would I trust other than the one who desires shalom and has the ability to make it happen? So, as I face the brokenness around me and discuss it with God through prayer, I can beg that his will be fully accomplished because I know his ultimate plan is restoration. Perhaps his way of restoration is the same as my way - healing, recovery, fertility, acquittal, employment. But perhaps his plan for redemption is different from mine. Sometimes my discussions with God get heated, but my prayers don't sound like a pathetic concession of "may God's will be done." For me, it sounds like a battle cry: "Redeem that, God!" Louder and louder my voice grows as I reach out in prayer for God to restore whatever brokenness I struggle against. "Redeem that, God!" As I fight against the pain of cancer, bitterness, sadness, and this void I feel every day. As I lose tears and sleep. "Redeem that, God!" And sometimes I add in a strong, "Go to hell, Satan!" voicing it loud enough to assure he hears me. This is not concession. This is me joining God in a battle for victory, as we fight together for redemption. For shalom. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. . . For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of him who subjected it, in hope that creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. (Romans 8:18, 20-21) I hope I never give the impression that any of this is easy for me or that my faith allows me to simply rise above my questions and doubt. It isn't. It doesn't. But I have never let go of God, and he has never let go of me. Blessings, Sarah
5 Comments
Gypsy
6/24/2018 12:29:26 pm
I think of you and your family often. Blessings with love to all.
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Terry
6/24/2018 01:25:03 pm
Thanks for your post. Your words are strong and insightful even in your brokenness. Thanks to much. I learn so much from your writings.
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Vanessa
6/24/2018 07:45:00 pm
I'm not sure if you realize how much of a ministry God has given you through your blog. Through your pain and struggle, you are ministering to others who are struggling. Our family lost a son - my stepson. After 14 years, John still struggles greatly with the loss. I know those struggles are real. When I see your blog, I am always quick to read it. God is using you in a powerful way! I have never thought about Shalom in the way you have interpreted it. God has given you such insight! Someday we will leave all the heartache and struggles behind to live in perfect peace. Until then, I will continue to pray for you and your family.
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Debbie Martin
6/25/2018 08:47:28 am
Thank you Sarah. I completely agree with you. I believe God's will is for us to live a life of peace and cancer free. Unfortunately, we live in a corrupt world. I have to remind myself of this daily. He's not punishing me or Bill. He's redeeming us. Love you.
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Penny
6/25/2018 09:03:58 am
Thank you so much for taking the time to post these words...these same questions and thoughts have crossed my mind, and I'm sure many others. Yet we don't voice them or we feel like we are wrong to have them...you put into words what is in many of our minds and hearts. I always come away from your posts with a heart a little more at peace and a little stronger in battle.
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