I knew Christmas would be a real struggle this year and that I would have to simplify life down to the few things that I could handle. I have tried to do that, saying no a lot and keeping my expectations of myself small. I am not a big holiday person anyhow, so it would have been really easy for me to leave the whole season in its box. Yet I didn’t want to lose the opportunity to see and hear God in the midst of it, so I have been working through a study for Advent, spending time early every morning in God’s word and meeting with two dear women each week.
Like so many other things in my life right now, it hasn’t been easy. But I am learning that sometimes hard tasks are also healing. Looking through Katie's makeup, reading her journals, visiting the cemetery, making scones for breakfast. All hard, yet healing. Most Sundays, worship is like having my insides cleaned with a water hose. How does something feel so painful and so refreshing at the same time? Sitting with God is the hardest. And the most healing. Like Jacob, I wrestle with God, refusing to let go until He blesses me. And when I do walk, it is with a limp. A limp that is the result of both the part of me that is missing and the One who allowed it to be. As I have been preparing for Advent, several thoughts have hung with me, but the one that resonates the most is that of redemption. Usually the word redemption is more associated with Easter, when Christ gave his life to redeem ours. But Christmas is celebration of a birth, right? Yes, the birth of a baby who was born for redemption. God’s pursuit of man and the redemptive story of Christ began long before Bethlehem, but this little podunk town is where it got real. The promises were finally palpable. Thankfully, God has promised not only redemption of sin, but of all creation. I used to walk around the hospital in Cincinnati, seeing all the kids who were visibly affected by the brokenness of this world through accidents or illnesses, and I would say to God, “Redeem that!” Over and over again. What an ugly and evil enemy who would mercilessly attack our children in an effort to destroy their Creator. Because of this, I look forward to the redemption of all creation. To say God has a purpose in our pain is a bit too trite for me, but I do love the word redemption. For it is the redemptive story of Christ, which begins at his birth, that gives me hope in the redemptive story of my daughter. Blessings and Merry Christmas, Forever Cobb 7
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