Today, on Katie's birthday, I want to share two things with you. I used to tease Katie and tell her we should write a book together. She thought I was crazy, but I told her it would be easy because we both had so many things that God had taught us and we could just write out our own journals to share with others. Well, I have prayed a lot about this and have decided this is something I still want to do. I plan to write a book (that's a little daunting to say) that includes Katie's story from my perspective and hers, using writings from our journals. It won't be right away, but God is guiding me to make that happen. Second, I want to share something below that Katie wrote. This was written at the beginning of 2017 as an 8th grade class assignment to choose a word that would guide her coming year. For perspective, this was during the time she was still finishing her first round of chemotherapy. She was missing the interactions of friends and activities, having been out of school for a few months already. She bounced around in her beanie, covering that bald head as if it wasn't even there. Notice what she focuses on and what she doesn't focus on in her writing. It's incredible. I did not even find this until several months after her death. Katie has a story and I hope to be able to share it. Blessings, Sarah FAITH
I chose this word because it is something I've pushed away for awhile. It's always been there but my faith has been pushed into the background for far too long now. In 2017, I really want to bring my faith into the foreground. This year, my God time will become daily and I will really develop my life around my faith. It will become what it should've become years ago, my true rock and foundation for my life. I will find a time to spend time in the Word and talking to God, as well as just making time to listen daily. I'll never truly hear God if I don't make time to just listen for him. I need to make time to just rest and rejoice in His amazing creation. I want to slow down my life and look around. I want to thank Him and praise Him for how blessed I am. In the past, I have only spent time with God if I felt like it and to be honest, that wasn't very often. Maybe twice a week on a good week, which is absolutely not enough. I think and hope to see a difference in my attitude towards life and others. I hope to just overall mend my relationship with God. It's like a bridge with some pieces missing and in 2017, I want to put all of the pieces back in place. There were many other words that I could've chose, but I felt that this word encompassed all of them. Wisdom, joy, patience, and love to name a few. Growing my faith will bring me more of all of these. I'm going to fight back with joy. I will make laughter, smiling, dancing, and singing a normal thing to do. I'm going to appreciate the joy bombs that life brings. I don't want them to go unnoticed and unappreciated any longer. In the past, I've thought that joy and happiness were the same thing. However, recently I've realized they are definitely not. I cannot be happy and sad at the same time, but I can be joyful and sad at the same time. Regardless of my circumstances or how I feel, I can choose to act and respond in joy. As I read through the Bible, I want to not just read but devour the words on the page. As I sing on Sunday mornings, I want to not just sing the words on the screen but worship God through song. As I go through life, I want to not just go through life but go through life spreading God's love and joy for us. 2017 will be my year to remember. In the future when I give my testimony, I want to be able to say that this was the year my faith grew stronger than ever before. This is not a New Year's Resolution, this is a New Life Resolution. And it all starts, now!
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On Tuesday, August 28th, we will celebrate that Katie was born and that her life was part of our lives for a season. That's what a birthday is, isn't it? The opportunity to use balloons and cake and presents to say, "I am just so glad you were born!" Celebration is a loaded word this year because, although we don't expect it to be a lot of fun, we do want to remember the blessing of this girl in our lives. And that blessing was a really big one.
We, of course, have some things planned but we also want to invite others to take just a few minutes to think about Katie on Tuesday. When you do, write her name somewhere. Across the paper you're reading, in the dirt, on your foot, on a brick wall (use sidewalk chalk - not encouraging graffiti). Write it in great big letters, calligraphy, hearts, whatever. Be intentional or be spontaneous. But take a minute to think, remember, appreciate, pray. Then take a picture of it and post it, using #katiecobbneverforgetya. Consider tagging her and me in it. If you have my number, send me the pic as well. I will love having my phone blow up all day with those pictures. We also hope to collect something small and simple every year for her birthday. If you want to join us and spend a few dollars in honor of Katie, our family will receive $5-10 gift cards for Starbucks and iTunes which we will pass on to pediatric cancer patients. Katie loved music and an occasional drink from Starbucks so, as we talked at dinner one day, we decided that would be a perfect gift for her birthday! We will collect these until the first of October and then deliver them as we get close to her death day. You can mail them to 19 Hazel Circle, Winfield, WV 25213 or even leave them in the basket on our front porch. We really appreciate all of you who choose to remember and love Katie alongside us. Look for another post here on Tuesday as we continue to love Katie - only from a distance now. Blessings, Sarah, Chad and the rest of Cobb 7 Forever What we experience in this life naturally connects us to others. Perhaps for a season. Perhaps for a lifetime. Shared history, shared circumstances, shared emotions.
Like the women with whom I have ran trails and peed in the woods. Yep, hard to explain, but something about that connects me to them. And the families who gutted out Sundays with us when River Ridge church was just a handful of people in an elementary school, trying to share Jesus with a community. We built a bond during that time which still holds. If you have ever spent time in a third world country with a team of people, you probably still feel a connection to them. I know one couple who got married because of that shared experience. So today I ponder the unspoken connections I have to other grieving moms. Unfortunately, I know several moms who have also lost children. Either recently or years ago, the grieving continues and moms know it. As school started this week, my neighbor texted me to say, "The first day of a new school year is always hard." She knows. My college roommate sent a similar message just a few days prior. She knows. One of her former teachers never fails to call when she thinks about Katie's reaction to an event at school. She realizes how important it is to hear Katie's name and that someone else is remembering her. Because she knows. It isn't that other people don't grieve for our children, but no one grieves like a mother. And sometimes, even though it hurts my heart, I am just grateful that I have those friends who understand in a way no one else does. Who else thinks about the sadness hidden in the excitement of the first day of school? Who else understands the pain of filing your daughter's death certificate right next to her birth certificate? Who else can fathom the emotions attached to a cemetery plot? Katie's headstone was placed yesterday. I love it. And I hate it. It is perfect. And utterly terrible. I am so happy to see it in place and to feel the closure it brings. Yet I am so very sad that instead of vacuuming her room or making her bed or fluffing her pillows, all I can do is rub the dirt off the slab of concrete that identifies her broken body. No one can fully understand that except another mom who has lost a child. So at the end of the month, Chad and I are going to a retreat to spend a weekend with a few other couples who have also lost a child. It will be led by David and Nancy Guthrie, a couple who understands and have written several books out of their own pain. We will meet our friends there - James and Laura - whose teenage son also died of cancer just a few weeks before Katie. The opportunity to connect with these other parents will be hard - and healing - because we are made to mourn together. We are made for relationships. Whether those connections are born out of struggling through nursing school together or working night shifts side by side or running trails on Sundays or burying children, God ordains the connections and I simply receive them. These friends know a part of me and understand something that others don't. I know that I am not alone in this world and that there are people who will pick me up when I fall because they walk the same road, whatever that road is. Because of this, I walk with confidence, accepting and inviting the connections made along the way. A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:17 Blessings, Sarah There is this picture frame at Hobby Lobby that has been haunting me. Several months ago, Annie and I were looking for a frame to display a picture of her and Katie when I saw it. It was a cute little frame for a 4x6 photo. Wooden with twine. Simple. With the word "blessed." I froze in the store when I saw it. Can I buy that frame? I thought. Can I buy that frame to hold a picture of my daughters? Can I look at Katie's face, wishing I could touch it, and say that I am blessed? Does a picture of my dead child indicate any kind of blessing in my life? What does it mean to be blessed anyhow? In the Bible, several different Hebrew and Greek words are translated into blessed. The idea of happiness and favor is present in the word blessed, as is that of a good word, respect, praise, and the act of giving a gift. When God created the world, he spoke a good word over it. He intended for all people to live in a world of blessing - happiness, peace, fulfillment. So when God speaks a word of blessing, in essence, he is saying, "My desire is for you to experience the fullness of what I originally intended, the extravagance of my favor." Because of the brokenness of this world, that blessing can only be truly known in light of eternity and through a new life in Christ. So on an everyday basis in a broken world, can we experience blessings? Sure. But they are temporary. And not the real thing. Think about the last time you said you were blessed. What were you referring to? As Westerners, somewhere along the way, we have adopted the mindset that blessings only come in the form of health, wealth, and prosperity. Blessings can refer to these things, but it can't only mean that, can it? What do we do with the words of Jesus in Matthew: Blessed are the poor in spirit . . . Blessed are those who mourn . . . Blessed are the meek . . . Blessed are those who are persecuted. What about believers who live in the slums of Haiti? Can they experience blessings just as much as you and me? God wants to define blessing in our lives around an eternal perspective. Spiritual blessings may be experienced in material means - or immaterial ones. In healing - or pain. In the brokenness of this world - or in the shalom of Heaven. When I offer a blessing to you, I am asking for God to favor you in a way that lasts for eternity. Perhaps that means restoring your health so your impact for his kingdom can continue for years to come. Perhaps that means giving you the promotion so you can encourage that one person who will come along next year who really needs to hear Jesus in the way you speak to him. Perhaps it means building perseverance in you; and with perseverance, character; and with character, hope. I want your life to be blessed - but not just in a material, temporary way. When I say that I am blessed, I mean the same thing: God has declared his inherent goodness on my life. I know this because of my faith in his son, Jesus Christ. This goodness, which may or may not be evident in this world, will most certainly be audaciously visible in the next. So I went back last week and bought the frame. I am blessed. Blessings, Sarah and Forever Cobb 7 |
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