What do you fear most?
Several years ago I was working my way through a bible study and that question was presented. A recent sermon at church reminded me again of one particular lesson. As I pull out my tattered book, it falls open to the pages that discuss fear (I guess I have revisited that teaching a few times). The question at the top of the page says: What do you fear most? I look at my answers and right at the top are the words "if my children die." When Katie was initially diagnosed with cancer in October 2016, I spun that thing like DJ Jazzy Jeff. "Yes," I said, "Hodgkins is cancer, but it is one of the most treatable kinds! It has a short chemotherapy run with high success rates and lots of research behind it. If we have to fight cancer, Katie, this is the one we want to fight because we can win! Six hard months and then we can put this behind us! It will just be a part of your past." I said those words. Those exact words. Katie tucked that ball and ran with it. It was game time. She sailed through 5 months of chemotherapy without a single complaint. She was winning big time. But through it all . . . what she feared the most . . . was relapse. Then in April, only a few weeks after a clean PET scan, her worst fear was realized. The surgeon who had removed her port less than 2 weeks prior had to peel off the dressing that was still covering the wound in order to place the new port. What we said wouldn't happen, happened. Fear became reality. Most of our fears will never come true. They are like these big ugly monsters that parade in front of us, ever taunting but never touching, incessantly distracting us from Jesus and life. So we fight back by telling ourselves that fear is a lie from Satan. Which is true. It isn't real, we say. Just don't look at it. Don't think about it. Don't live in fear. We try to defeat irrational thoughts with rational thinking. But . . . what if that doesn't work? What if that isn't the solution? What if one day our worst fears come true? Then what? Then God. That's what I learned in my study so many years ago. That's what I have returned to so many times. That's what I wrote. If my children die, then God. In each of our lives, the blanks are there. If ______________, then _____________. We have to do something with those blanks. Satan will continue to parade those monsters in front of us over and over again until we can say . . . then God. If we refuse to complete the first blank or, instead, try to write God's name in there, we are simply trusting him to not let our worst fears happen. Our trust is conditional. In that case, what happens to our faith when our fears are realized? It crumbles. We're done. So we look back at the times in our lives when God has been faithful. All the little moments that others said were coincidence but we knew were something more. We listen to others share their stories of faith and how God stayed close in hard days. We read the book. We write the verses. We remind ourselves that God is good. We learn to hear his voice when the days are sweet and life feels easy. The building and preparing and learning to trust part doesn't happen in the midst of our greatest fear. It happens before. In the off-season. Because when your game face goes on, your faith muscle better be ready. I don't trust God to let me avoid what I fear most. I am determined to trust him no matter what. For deep inside my soul, I truly believe that what I suffer now is nothing compared to what will be revealed to me later, so I wait in eager expectation for that day when everything sad will come untrue, when everything wrong will be made right, when everything broken will be redeemed (Romans 8:18-19). If I relapse, then God. If my children die, then God. If I have to cry every day for the rest of my life because this is not okay, then I can still get up in the morning because there is still hope. If ____________, then God. Blessings, Sarah *Kudos to Beth Moore for the Bible study on Esther which strengthened my faith muscle in the off-season.
17 Comments
Amanda
5/14/2018 08:03:21 pm
Thank you for sharing. 💜
Reply
Jane
5/14/2018 08:48:05 pm
Beautifully said, Sarah
Reply
Tonya cooper
5/14/2018 08:49:05 pm
Love and prayers ❤️
Reply
Teresa Harmon
5/14/2018 09:36:04 pm
Fear is a liar ...Zac Williams https://youtu.be/1srs1YoTVzs
Reply
Shelley
5/14/2018 09:49:10 pm
Beautiful. I will cry every day with you. People need this message. I have known pure terror too. A sickening, debilitating terror from the enemy. I love the part that we can't reason our way out of fear. Courage feels like fear. God is with us in the darkness. I love that He brings us people to be with us too. Jesus with skin on. Thank you for sharing your vulnerable heart and amazing wisdom. Thank you for being Jesus with skin on.
Reply
Charlie Nichols
5/15/2018 04:31:30 am
And that is the faith that moves mountains. That is the joy of Christ in the very depths of real pain!
Reply
Melody Helms
5/15/2018 06:16:40 am
You are such an inspirational! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and HIS light.
Reply
Patty Scully
5/15/2018 06:46:17 am
Thank you!
Reply
Christa Berry
5/15/2018 07:17:24 am
💜 Thank you! Love and Prayers 💜
Reply
Mandy Germann
5/15/2018 07:31:27 am
Thank you for sharing. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers often. When life is hard I always listen to “Hold Me Jesus” by Rich Mullins. It comforts me. May you have a wonderful week! :)
Reply
Robin gatens
5/15/2018 07:37:55 am
Beautiful. Prayers an lord of hugs
Reply
Penny
5/15/2018 07:38:15 am
Thank you ♥️
Reply
Melanir
5/15/2018 02:07:01 pm
Thank you for sharing.
Reply
Lisa Lyle
5/15/2018 04:13:41 pm
This is beautifully said. Thank you for encouraging us through your pain.
Reply
Bonnie Wells
5/15/2018 09:10:40 pm
Beautifully said Sarah. Think of and pray for your precious family often. Y’all are an inspiration to ALL you come in contact with—Jesus has and will touch many through Katie’s short life ❤️
Reply
betty adkins
5/16/2018 10:14:49 am
through god all thing are possible
Reply
Danielle McCray
5/22/2018 01:26:48 am
Tonight I tuned in to Living Life As A Woman. I don't attend River Ridge and I don't know your family personally but it crossed my Facebook feed and I was desiring to be built up. It wasn't until the end that it dawned on me... Cobb. Sarah Cobb. Katie's mom, The Cobb 7. I remember praying for them. I remember hearing about their loss the day she died. And the raw blogs. So... I track down the blog site and catch up on 'after' posts. Just as your words built up then, your words build up still. You have a gift of teaching through testimony. Your open heart on display witnesses to me and thousands others. Still. Trusting God with Katie was and is part of the redeeming plan. Yes, building up husband, community, friendships and household. I would add: building up His Kingdom. Because I for one don't fit the first four categories and witnessing your pursuit to trust God no matter what has built me up... nearly every sentence in the blog, often every word (whether it be faith or fear) reflected Christ and Him crucified, our hope of glory. Exhortation. This blog is an account of God's faithfulness. It's a very personal testament of His redeeming love. He's using you to build up more than you know and I'm thankful. I'm thankful for Katie too. ❤️
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
Archives
March 2020
Categories |