"How are you?" So many people ask me that. Some ask it simply in greeting. Others ask it with intention, willing to hear the truth. Kudos to those of you who are willing to go there because you never know what you may get. Perhaps it is a good day, and we can laugh and smile as we chat. On the other hand, I can be a mess at times. I might dump one of my buckets on you. Anger. Fear. Restlessness. Irritability. Identity crisis. Despair. The buckets aren't always full, but any one may be full at any time, spilling on you, me, or all over the floor around us. They can be a challenge to clean up. I don't always know - and you definitely don't - so thanks for being willing to really ask.
So how are we? Let me see if I can honestly answer that. We desperately miss our Katie! We have a big hole in our family and we feel it every day. Every meal. Every room. Every time Daniel giggles because Katie loved his laugh. Every time Annie goes to bed on the couch because she can't bear to sleep beside an empty bed. Every time I see her basket of clothes still sitting in the laundry room. Every time I set the table for 6. Every time I think about sending her a text or a funny video. Every time I go to the store and see Haribo gummy bears, watermelon, an ICE drink, and so many other things. Every time I hear her favorite songs, see her friends, feel something soft and fuzzy. Her backpack sits in my bedroom, her favorite scent beside my bath, her coat in the closet. It never, ever, ever goes away. On top of that, reality is starting to set in. Katie isn't coming back to this world. That may seem odd to acknowledge, but sometimes I am acutely aware of it in a way that I wasn't before. Even though I spent lots of time with her, my kids spent long periods of time away from her. I hate to say it, but in some ways they got used to her being gone. But she should have been home by now. For better or worse, I don't know, but we are all coming to realize that the years are going to feel very long without her. While we continue to laugh and celebrate together, every happy moment has grief tacked on at the end. This week was a super celebratory week at our house, and yet I spent a significant part of it fighting back depression. Aaron had his "Sour 16" birthday (as Annie called it) and got his driver's license. Katie would have been so excited for him and yet would have teased him mercilessly about taking his exam. They had talked for years about combining their savings toward the purchase of a car, so her savings money was part of his gift. On Thursday, Annie participated in the County Spelling Bee, where Katie had appeared twice. She was so nervous and yet so proud to honor her sister in that way. On Sunday, Annie will be baptized. She had originally planned for June but Katie was in Cincinnati, so she waited until October but then our world crashed. Hopefully Sunday will be her day. It's happy, with a side of deep sadness. Joy in the midst of grief. It's like nothing I can explain. All in all, we continue to take small forward steps. We still laugh and smile. We enjoy our favorite meals at the table. We talk about her in natural conversation at home. When we pray, we often ask God to tell Katie how much we love her. We also cry, lose our patience, and grouch at one another. We try to distract ourselves but spend time alone as well. Honestly, it's just really hard most days, even when it's good. Going forward, we hope to continue to make occasional blog posts. We both write a lot, mostly for ourselves, but sometimes we are willing to share a few thoughts for those who are interested. We may transition to another site as we veer away from only posting regarding Katie, and we will announce that once we decide. Thanks again for walking alongside us. Thanks for loving and giving of yourselves in ways that are both tangible and intangible. Thanks for asking. And thanks to those of you who have helped me clean up my spilled buckets. Blessings, Sarah, Chad and Forever Cobb 7
26 Comments
Cheryl Myers
1/27/2018 05:26:53 pm
Greetings from Denver Forever Cobb 7!
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Amy and Sam Preston
1/27/2018 09:00:09 pm
Please know that you and your family is in our thoughts and prayers! The sadness of missing her brings you closer. One day soon Miss Katie!!!!!!
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Jill Ennis
1/27/2018 06:09:24 pm
Continuing to pray for God’s hand and blessings on you every day.
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Tracy Blake
1/27/2018 06:15:34 pm
I know your pain as well today makes 13 months my daughter passed from a uti our life will never be the same , know that we pray for your family often ❤️🙏
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Christa
1/27/2018 06:22:20 pm
My love and prayer are continually with all of you. ❤️
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ErIn Gress
1/27/2018 06:33:19 pm
You can call me any time and spill your buckets.I have 2 shoulders for crying on and a heart that truly loved and loves Katie.You all are in my thoughts and prayers daily.🙏❤
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Amanda
1/27/2018 06:33:48 pm
Continued prayers for your whole family.
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Melody
1/27/2018 06:51:37 pm
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Thank you so much for having the willingness to share some of your journey through grief.
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Beth A Kutcher
1/27/2018 07:07:57 pm
I pray the Lord will give you a glimpse into the mighty works he is doing in this unimaginable time. The blessings your transparency and honestly have provided to so many is profound. I am so very sorry for this lonsuffering you have been chosen to endure. Loving and praying for you Cobb 7, always ❤️
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Rebecca
1/27/2018 07:29:41 pm
I can not begin to imagine your pain. Thank you for reminding me of all of the little things I take for granted each day. I pray that God continues to wrap his arms around your family and hold each of you every second of every day. I pray for peace, for courage, and for strength.
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DD Jordan
1/27/2018 07:47:59 pm
She still gives me meaning to my journey...
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Nikki
1/27/2018 07:59:03 pm
Keeping your family in our prayers, always. Thank you for your transparency, honesty and mostly your steadfast love for God through everything you have endured.
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Susie Cunningham
1/27/2018 08:15:20 pm
Continued prayers!
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Darlene Geyer
1/27/2018 08:18:12 pm
I think about you all often. I don’t ask how you are doing because I imagine your wound is too raw to share. One of these days, I will ask. But for now, just know that I look up at your home and ponder. The first snowfall when the kids were all out playing and sliding down the hill, I thought about Katie. When the bus lets all the students off, I think about Katie. I should see her bopping past my door. The little things that are no more.
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Nancy Painter
1/27/2018 08:47:10 pm
Praying always for Gods mighty hand to hold you all and give you his grace. You and your family are loved so much. 😢❤️
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Vanessa Higginbotham
1/27/2018 09:02:06 pm
The road to finding a somewhat "normal" again is long and hard. Praying that God gives you strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Hang on to those wonderful memories. They will help carry you through.
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Miranda
1/27/2018 09:51:16 pm
I think of you all often. Continued prayers for you all!
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Mary Spence
1/27/2018 10:11:51 pm
I have been following your blogs through my niece Mollie Brown. She & her husband Dave go to your church.
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Leah Payne
1/27/2018 10:28:33 pm
Prayers of comfort and strength to navigate the future.
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Diane Lett
1/27/2018 11:03:22 pm
Love and prayers continue from my heart to yours.
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Kristin Putnam
1/28/2018 07:26:45 am
Sarah, thank you for your realness throughout this
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Carl Anderson
1/28/2018 01:31:17 pm
Thanks for sharing and prayers for the Cobbs
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Tim n Bev
1/28/2018 02:26:12 pm
We continue to pray for all the Cobb clan daily. Praying for peace, comfort and guidance on how you cope with this and move forward. Words are totally insufficient, just know we care and we love you all! 🙏✝️⛪️
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Bette
1/28/2018 07:03:26 pm
God bless you and encourage you 🙏
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Don Covert
1/29/2018 10:43:04 am
You and yours are in our daily prayers, and will continue to be.....
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Brianna dickson
1/31/2018 02:40:57 pm
Hi there,
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